At the various intersections of popular culture and skateboarding throughout history, skateboarders have always taken the L. Lupe Fiasco’s “Kick Push” and Avril Lavigne’s “Sk8r Boi” gave pedestrians unfailingly annoying catchphrases to yell at skateboarders. The injury porn of MTV’s “Scarred” taught the public that the wincing pain of skateboarders is for their unmitigated pleasure. “Jackass” and “Viva La Bam” made obnoxious goth clown Bam Margera the national face of skateboarding.
The representation of skateboarding in popular culture is so grim that Lil’ Wayne’s recent infatuation with skateboarding can only be regarded as a rare bright spot amongst a depressing background of mangled bodies and corny pop songs. It’s great that one of the preeminent arbiters of “cool” in the world has taken an interest in skateboarding, for Weezy seems to genuinely enjoy skateboarding. However one minor side effect is the often questionable references to skateboarding that have popping up in his music. Let’s be honest here, he’s not dropping Dedication 2-level bars about ollies and kickflips, as you will see in the list I’ve compiled.
I think we can all agree that skateboarding is a pretty great extreme sport. You do rad tricks, hang with your bros, and disrespect authority figures… all while wearing the hottest youth fashions! Radical! However, there is another extreme sport that is much tougher, much manlier, much much much more more extreme-er. If you’re not a pussy, than you already know I’m talking about MMA. For all you beta-ass pussies out there, that stands for Mixed-up Marital Artistry, and it pretty much jams its sweaty bare foot up skateboarding’s ass, in terms of badazz-etry.
MMA is pretty simple, just plain, old fashioned mano-a-mano combat. Two shirtless men enter the ring, but only one can win… only one can prove that they are the best at being shirtless. But MMA is much more than just the nasty man-on-man action. Don’t get me wrong, it’s still the main reason I’m such a fan; it’s just that the context of the fights adds a certain je ne sais quoi that really brings the fight alive for me.
Let me explain… picture this: an arena full of frenzied men, mouths frothing with excitement at the sight of their favorite shirtless guy’s chiseled body. Joe Rogan (that guy that used to make people put animal penises in their mouths) is commentating, complimenting everyone’s deltroid muscles. You turn your head and see energy drink advertisements as far as the eye can see… not to mention the fact that half of the people in attendance also have the Monster logo tattooed on their bodies. Goddamn you are hyped. Then… it starts. The main event. Two men with AMAZING bodies start going at it. Rough and raw, they’re brutally punishing each other with no remorse. Just absolutely punishing each other in all sorts of positions. It almost doesn’t even matter where or when they finish, because for this second, for this one moment in time, you truly know what it feels like to be a MAN.
Enough talk though… I’ve compiled some of the toughest and most NASTY MMA moments. Just watch to see the shit I’m talking about.
A conversation between two roommates interrupted by a phone call.
A rhetorical questioning of an unfamiliar combination of two familiar names.
A subsequent answer realized under horrifying terms.
The human memory is but an assemblage of fragments, and these are the shards of March 29th, 2014 that are impaled in my brain.
I answer the phone: “Hello?”, and a familiar female voice on the other side responds: “Stuart? Are you with Kaleb?”. My memory is immediately jarred: “Thomas” is Carl’s girlfriend’s last name… duh. This momentary lapse in memory is promptly rendered trivial as I process what I’m being told: Continue reading →